God fucking dammit.
Some of you may be aware, Internets, that I had to have a medical thing done last week. The short not-TMI version of this was that I had a hysteroscopy due to weirdness in my menstrual cycles. I had previously been wondering whether this was due to my going perimenopausal due to being in my mid-40’s, but given my previous history with my thyroidectomy and my stage 0 breast cancer, I had it strongly recommended to me that we should have my uterus checked out just to be sure.
I just got called with the pathology results from the sample they took out. The phrase “pre-cancerous change” was used in the conversation I had with the doctor.
And he recommended we have my uterus out. And my ovaries and tubes as well.
I am to come in on the 10th for a followup appointment to discuss these results and what my options are moving forward.
I wanted to be done with having to have parts of my body cut out due to threatening to turn into cancer.
But apparently I’m not.
God fucking dammit.
ETA: To everybody who’s been expressing their support to me on the various sites I’ve posted this news to, thank you.
At this point I’m mostly just tired and numb. I can’t even manage to muster any real rage for this–because as I told the doctor when he called me with the news, part of me was half-expecting something like this as worst case scenario just because I have been down this road before. I do have a history of portions of my body up and deciding to pull shit like this.
I can deal with it, I know I can at this point just because I have before, and I’m at least grateful that this time around I had a couple of years’ breathing room to get my strength back.
Right now though all I can think of is Tommy in O Brother Where Art Thou?, when Delmer boggles at him about trading his immortal soul to the Devil in exchange for being taught how to play the guitar. Tommy’s answer was a laconic “well, I wasn’t usin’ it!”
I would just like to now protest that losing my uterus WILL NOT IN FACT IMPROVE MY GUITAR PLAYING. Something seems medically awry here. I feel like I should be getting some kind of musical superpower out of this deal.
Comments
15 responses to “This just in: well, my week’s been ruined now”
Anna
I know it is not my business but I would resist the ovary removal. Unless they think you have a estrogen sensitive cancer, it is not worth it. I was convinced to remove the ovaries for a non cancerous tumor and have regretted it. If you want more info, please feel free to call.
[Comment edited by Anna to remove personal phone numbers]
Cheryl
Cheryl, I’ve edited your comment to remove your phone numbers; this IS a publicly readable blog, so just wanted to remind you that leaving personal info like that where the Internet can read it is something to watch out for.
No decisions have been made yet and will not be until I discuss the matter with my doctors.
While I agree in principle with Cheryl, obviously you and your doctor have better access to inside information, so I’m just going to go with praying for an awesome superpower in exchange for whatever happens.
*smiles crookedly* Thanks.
More bulletins as events warrant. I’ve already had discussion with my primary care doc; she’s reachable by email so I pinged her last night.
Oh, FFS, Anna. I am so terribly sorry. I know your body has not been at all cooperative with you, and I completely agree that you deserve a cool musical superpower. “Loses uterus, gains ability to half-hole with DEADLY accuracy” would be my vote, but if you insist on guitar, “ability to nail all barred chords” is a close second, though less lethal. Much love and hugs.
I’d take the half-holing with deadly and pinpoint accuracy, yeah, especially if coupled with “instant ability to play ANY tune upon hearing a band play it once, so I can sit in with them”.
Yep.
However, backup guitar would also be entirely acceptable. Or backup bouzouki. Especially if I got Eric Beaudry levels of bouzouki. That right there is a SUPERPOWER.
*hugs a bunch*
My sincerest best wishes to you, Anna. I had my uterus and one ovary removed when I was 32 (it wasn’t cancer, but I was bleeding to death). It needed to be done and I felt much better afterward. The second ovary went approx. four years later – what they could find of it. I hope your doctors get all the cancer and you feel better.
So far what they’re telling me is “precancerous changes”–something similar to what I had going on in my breast and thyroid, actually. I.e., not actual invasive cancer YET, but a good strong chance that it could turn into cancer if left untreated.
And given that two other areas of my body have already pulled this shit on me, I ain’t terribly surprised at this point that the uterus has decided to jump on board with it. BAH.
Bah & humbug. 🙁
Many, many hugs.
Bah and humbug indeed.
*hugs* Thanks.
*hugs* missing parts vs. missing you….I’ll take the former, thanks. sucks and all, but your music, your writing, and just you yourself are a super addition to our world. call me selfish, but I appreciate you being here. here is to a quick resolution and recovery to full strength and zest!
Aw. Thank you. I needed that. 🙂
[…] I swear to god I haven’t forgotten you. Vengeance however has eaten my brain. So has the Not-So-Happyfun Medical News I got earlier this week, and the other reason I’ve more or less spent the entire convention […]
Please be sure to get second opinions and all that even if you have to pay out of pocket. My father’s doctor ended up making an incorrect decision that he was reprimanded for by a panel of his peers.
Hugs and prayers! I’ve seen a lot of people go through cancer in recent years.
I’ve already doublechecked with my primary care doctor, who knows my history; the gynecologist doesn’t. She is backing his initial recommendations up. And given that I’ve already gone through two rounds of my system pulling this shit on me, it’s a reasonable stance for her to take.
No formal decisions have been made yet, however, and will not be until I speak with the gynecologist tomorrow AND doublecheck what data he gives me with my primary care doc.
And yes, there is too goddamn much cancer in the world.