Date: Fri,  9 Jun 95 10:27:21 PDT
Subject: PROSE- Berni's Thoughts

Archive-Name: estenar-trip-1a

First night on board the _Blue Starcrest Traveler_. Bernadette and Kevlan
have just retired to their cabin aboard the starcruiser, and now lie in the
dark beside on another in the dark. Kevlan has finally fallen asleep, and
Berni is left awake to her thoughts....

In the darkness, she stares up at the ceiling, the whites of her eyes
glowing dimly in the blackness of the room. She glances over at Kevlan's
sleeping form, and can barely make out his silhouette; his chest rises and
falls rhythmically with his breathing.

She can't believe the near fatal error she'd made this evening in casual
conversation. She squeezes her eyes shut and presses a hand to her
forehead.

"You're such a chowderhead!" she admonishes herself. "You haven't told
him about that little facet of your past life...what a horrible way to
find out." With a worried frown, she opens her eyes again and looks at
Kevlan again. "Maybe he'll have forgotten all about that little Freudian
slip...but what about Orynn? He doesn't miss much, and I suspect he
probably has a memory like the old Terran elephants I've read about." She
sighs, and thinks back on her accidental pregnancy three years ago; the
pregnancy that was to bring Dennis and herself together in marriage before
that accident took his life and she fled Chanuuk. She thinks about the
unpleasantness of labor, and the gut-wrenching heartbreak of finding out
her child...her son...was stillborn. So small. So...blue. Unnatural. She
sighs again. "Better to just leave some things in the past and not talk
about them." She knows, though, that if he should ever ask her, she'll tell
him the whole truth. She's hoping, however, that he'll forget about it.

Finally, she drops off into an uneasy sleep, only to be awakened in what
seems like mere moments later as Kevlan rolls over onto his side towards
her. She opens her eyes to find him watching her, a rather quizzical and
intent expression on his face that melts into a warm smile as he notes her
wakefulness. "'mornin', honey," he murmurs quietly. She smiles back,
returning the greeting and looks at the chrono in the room. Sure enough.
It's been seven hours since she fell asleep. She sits up a little and
smiles at him again.

"This tahm t-t'morrah, we'll be on mah Pa's farm," he says earnestly.

Berni raises her eyebrows and nods. "Hard to believe, isn't it?" She sits
up the rest of the way and gazes at Kevlan as she asks in a small voice
"What if they don't like me, Kevlan? Your Pa...he said that folks in Farann
Province tend to stick to their own...I'm not one of your own, Kev..."

Kevlan's face softens and he sits up, as well, pulling Berni to him in
a hug. "Aww, honey. Don' fret, now...Ah'm sure they'll like you jes'
fine..."

"I hope so," she murmurs, returning his hug. The rest of the day goes on
without incident, although Bernadette does find her mind drifting
frequently to Andros and his mysterious fixation with Raven, who appears to
be beating the crap out of him, much to her bewilderment.

The following morning, Berni is up long before the chrono sounds its
wakening chime. She slips out of bed as quietly as she can, so as not to
disturb Kevlan who is still sleeping, and begins gathering her things
together. The shuttle will be landing in about two hours, and she knows
she'll be really stressed out meeting Kevlan's kin, hoping to make a good
impression. "Just don't say or do anything stupid, and you'll be fine,
Berni. Remember, you're a farmgirl, too...common ground, Berni, common
ground." She continues giving herself her pep talk, as she slips out of the
room, heading for the observation lounge, where she stands in front of the
viewport and watches the stars drift by.