DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY1 Written: Wed May 4 13:47:56 1994 Well, I guess it's time for me to start recording things on this pad, for when my memory goes away later. Ain't quite sure what to say. My name's Kevlan, Kevlan Sharr... I'm from Estenar, this itty bitty planet in the Andurin system. My father is a farmsteader in the Farann province... my mother was a medic, but she's passed on, now. I left home when I was sixteen, to try to study music, but that didn't work out... so I signed up on the first ship that came through the port and started space-hopping. I worked as the fourth mate on the _Star's Hope_, and that was a lot of fun... Despry, he was the engineer, and he taught me all about singing to tune a crystal. He'd have me come in and sing to 'em all the time. The captain, though, he went and sold off the _Hope_ and I was out of a job... and stranded on Shankill Station. I'd been there before, and a bunch of folks liked my singing and tried to get me in the Heptite Guild, but I didn't want that when I was still on the _Hope_. But when I was fired, it sounded like a way at least to eat! So I went and signed up for the Guild. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY2 Written: Wed May 4 18:01:13 1994 So I guess I'll talk about the Heptite Guild in this entry. Up on Shankill, I met this real nice lady, her name was Elissa. She liked my singing, and she tried me out for the Guild. I was real surprised when I passed all the tests, but she said I didn't have to worry since I can always sing the right note when I want to. And the Guild folks hired me on, and sent me down here to Ballybran. I ain't sure what to say about that. Ballybran ain't all that nice and homey like Estenar... it's wilder, and starker. But if you go out and sing to the Ranges, even just outside the Guildhall, you hear some of the most incredible sounds the Lady gave you ears for. While I was waiting for the symbiont to get into me, they made us take a lot of classes, and do work, too... cleaning sleds was a real grungy job. But I got to know Corbin down on the hangar floor and the other hangar techs, too. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY3 Written: Thu May 5 01:17:45 1994 My class for the Guild was 2003, and our teacher's name was Graidan. She's a right nice and classy lady. The others in my class were kind of hard to get to know... except for Tatiana, I know her because she plays the gitar like me... and Michael, he's a soldier off this planet named Zevi and he has a sister here, her name's Ruth and she's a medic... and then there's Talia. I ain't sure what to make of Talia. She seems like she likes me an awful lot, but then, she seems to like all kinds of men an awful lot. I told her I didn't really feel right about her trying to get me to get intimate with her, but that only seemed to make her all riled up even more. She likes it an awful lot if I sing "I Got Stung". And then there's Elissa. She's real nice and pretty and she took me out and showed me how to sing to the Ranges. Elissa got awful riled up, though, too, when Talia started getting riled at me. I think I must've made her upset or something because I ain't seen her ever since I got the sickness, and I ain't seen her since, either. Wish I could. I want to tell her she was right about the whole world coming across as different, after the symbiont gets in you. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY4 Written: Thu May 5 01:25:28 1994 So anyhow, I finally got over the sickness. The medics told me I had it easy; I felt real tired and couldn't breathe too well, and my eyes kept blurring out on me, but I didn't have convulsions or anything. I thank the Lady I came through it okay... because it must have been the scariest thing that ever happened to me. Not the sickness - a body can get sick without coming to Ballybran, I guess - but all the worrying about whether I'd get any sicker than I did. And how I'd change. And whether I'd wind up like poor Jekiphi. Lady keep him. When I look around now, and everything _looks_ and _smells_ and _sounds_ and _feels_ like I spent my whole life up till now asleep, I think a man can't get much closer to heaven than this. Maybe Jekiphi did. I hope so. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY5 Written: Thu May 5 01:36:57 1994 I still ain't used to folks saying 'Singer Kevlan Sharr'. They gave me new rooms in the Violet Quadrant - Talia, too. Ain't sure what to make of that, yet. Talia was real glad to see me over the sickness, though. But I also saw Miss Carissa... and she acted like she was mad at me. Wish I knew why. Anyhow, they gave me my very own crystal cutter, and I've been working on recutting the messed up crystals they keep on level 8. I'm afraid I busted some, but at least I fixed a bunch, and they gave me good pay for doing it. Which is a good thing, because they docked me real hard for the new cutter. Docked me even harder for my very first sled! But I got me a sled now and I named her 'Teesa Narie'. Even took her out to fly her around a little, though they really don't want to turn me loose at the Ranges till I can be taken out by another Singer who'll help me. Be nice if I could get Elissa to help me. And I hope I can go soon. I want to see the Ranges up close. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY6 Written: Fri May 6 19:41:35 1994 Well, it didn't take them long to shoo me out into the Ranges! A Singer contacted me, lady by the name of Kyrae Syree came and found me, and said that she was supposed to be my shepherd, to take me out and show me how to cut real raw crystal and all. She was real brisk-like when she met me in the hangar but once we got in the sled and started flying out, she started being nice and sociable. It's a relief, I don't know what I would have done if I'd gotten a Singer who's all proud and everything, like folks say Singers are. Like folks say 'we' are, I guess I should say, because I'm a Singer now! For real, because Kyrae took me to her claim and has started showing me how to sing to the rock face, and cut the shape you want... I better not say where the claim is because that's supposed to be secret. But the crystal's awful pretty, kind of all lemony yellow and sunny-looking, and it sings back right sweet at you. There's a pool here at the claim, too, and Kyrae and me, we went swimming in it. That was almost as amazing as the crystal since I haven't been swimming for real, in real water, ever since I left home. And now that I got the symbiont in me, everything feels different, even water. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY7 Written: Tue Jun 7 15:26:03 1994 Lady Bright. I ain't quite sure what to say about this but I felt that I should write about it. Yesterday I got my first taste of what it's like to go into crystal thrall. Kyrae and I were cutting her face, and we finished the scale she wanted in octagons. So I asked her what she wanted us to do next. She asked _me_ what I thought we should do. So I figured that we should fill out her cut with something slightly different, to make it more interesting. I said, why don't we cut some pentagons? She said okay. So I cut the first one in A sharp... but it was flawed, so I had to cut it down. But I don't know where my head was, my attention went off somewhere, because I shaved it down into a pyramid instead of a pentagon. Kyrae tried to recut it for me, but all of a sudden, it was like I couldn't think of anything but the color of the crystal -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY8 Written: Fri May 13 19:40:18 1994 I think I must have been daydreaming or something because I didn't ever finish my last entry. I guess I was thinking about the crystal. Kyrae and I were working really fast to finish off the rest of the cut, so I guess I lost track of time after that, and didn't think to write any more to remember here. It was real nice cutting with Kyrae, I learned a lot and she was nice and helpful, and very happy because she can pay off debt for her parents now. I better make sure to not ever go back near her claim! -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY9 Written: Tue May 24 12:51:25 1994 I got lucky after Kyrae and I came back in from her claim. It didn't take me long to get a lead on a claim of my own, and I went out and worked it soon as I figured out where it is. Real mucky marshy place and the crystal was worked clean in one evening - but it was a good haul! I found white there. I paid off my sled and my cutter and got ahead of the Guild! -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY10 Written: Fri Jun 3 21:43:15 1994 The Star-Lady must be calling me arrogant or something. I'm back out in the Ranges now, after I met Lear - and Elissa! - in the Hall, but I have looked at six fregging claims in the past week and all I have to show for it are two little bitty light blue pentagons and a broken leg. I know I felt something at that one claim, even! But there wasn't anything there! -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY11 Written: Sat Jun 4 00:05:22 1994 Star-Lady! Star-Lady Bright and the light of Lareen! I found black crystal! -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY12 Written: Tue Jun 7 16:09:48 1994 I don't know what to type right now. There's so much going around in my head. I found the black crystal... and oh but it's right pretty... it's taking me a long time to enter this because I can see it, I can _feel_ it, and it hurts real deep inside, but it's a good kind of hurt even when I feel like I'm going to bust out crying like a little kid. I was cutting the crystal face with a busted leg but even then... I didn't care... I didn't even really remember that my leg was busted till I got back to the Guildhall and Elissa found me in my I wanted to tell her... about what I'd found... and that I wish... she could see it with me... but I couldn't make it come out right. One of the medics came and patched up my leg and made me go take a radiant bath, and it was like... cutting off my own arm to leave the crystal. It was only a little better when Aria finally sorted it. I ain't never going to have to worry again about credits. But I still wish Elissa could sing the black crystal with me. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY13 Written: Mon Jun 13 02:06:25 1994 I guess my head's still spinning and it probably won't help me much but I guess I need to get it out somehow, so I'll write it here. I was going to get offplanet because I don't think I can stand to be around Elissa, not after... what happened. Went up to Shankill and I guess it's about time I got off the planet for a while, I haven't gone anywhere since I took on with the Guild folks. Kind of want to go home, I guess. It would be good to see Pa again. Up on Shankill I saw a few of the folks coming in in the next class, and it made me feel real weird to see them, because they really aren't all that different from me. But I feel all different inside. One of the recruits made me nervous because he was all fired up about the rebels on Zevi and I think he comes from the other side of the fighting that Michael and his family were doing. And Ms. Graidan came and asked me to give the final speech to the recruits on account of my busted leg ain't quite healed yet. It's only been days but I'm hopping around okay. It's the darndest thing. And then Ms. Aria called and said she was sorting my new cut - this one being the one I found after I had to go out in the Ranges again after Elissa came back. I still feel like I got hit by skyfire. I got more money now than I ever saw in my entire life. But I still feel like I'm going to bust out crying. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY14 Written: Tue Jun 14 12:34:50 1994 I'm done giving the disclosure to the recruits now. And I guess it was something of a laugh how my leg finished healing up right in front of their eyes. I managed to say everything right, I think. At least Ms. Graidan didn't seem to think I messed anything up. Everything went more or less okay except the hologram projector being on the fritz, but I fixed it up okay. And we got the folks down to the planet all right. And I was going to go ahead and get gone,but Jerrik came and made me go find Elissa. I tried to tell her goodbye. But that one recruit, he started fighting with Michael. He was real ornery and nasty, too. He talked right mean to Elissa and Michael both and I'm worried about Elissa. I don't think I should leave yet. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY15 Written: Mon Jun 20 16:10:22 1994 Don't know really why I haven't been able to write much. I guess I've just been real restless. The recruits are getting trained a lot, and that Tyron fellow seems like he's not making too much trouble. But Elissa's still singing with Michael. I guess I feel like I _should_ look out for Elissa but on the other hand she does have Michael. And she's real bright and strong anyhow. I've been spending my time just kind of laying low, and hanging around with Jerrik and Tamber, but the recruits are curious and some of them are right friendly. Sean Drake gave me a set of juggling balls and Bernadette Marshall sings real pretty. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY16 Written: Thu Jun 23 02:17:47 1994 I better write more often or else I won't have this stuff to remember down the line, when my memory starts giving out. I feel kind of scared thinking about that... but it just reminds me that it's important to write about this stuff. I just wish it wasn't so hard to write. My heart hasn't been in it. A lot of stuff has been happening to me. I kept seeing Elissa everywhere... she and Tamber and Jerrik came in on me in the games room and Tamber just had to tell her about how come I get called Galahad all the time. I wish he wouldn't make a big fuss over it. But Elissa, she'd busted her elbow singing with Michael. And the more I thought about it, the more I needed to get back to my claim... so I went out again, and I cut me a minor scale of pyramids. I never knew there could be such a pretty shade of black... and when the sun goes down over that cliff face, and it starts singing, it's like the Lady herself gifted the rocks with voice. And that day was hard, so hard for me to cut through. It took me forever just to get all the pyramids back in the boxes. I felt like I should just stand there, holding them, watching the sun sparkle so pretty through them and making them ring out. And all that time, I couldn't help thinking of Elissa... and how pretty her voice would ring right along with the crystals. I guess that's why I couldn't stand to stay inside once I got back to the Hall, part of me still needed to hear the Ranges singing, and part of me was real scared of seeing Elissa, and part of me was praying like anything I would. I guess that part won, because she found me. I was still dreaming about my claim, real powerful, and she had to shake me to wake me up. I guess that scared me too, because I very nearly ran off, specially when Bernadette Marshall came along, and I tried to run off but Elissa found me again anyhow and the next thing I know, I was trying to tell her what was inside of me, but it wouldn't come out right - and I made her cry. I couldn't stand that so I had to run away again. Bernadette came and found me, too, but that was before I made such of a fool of myself in front of Elissa. I feel real ashamed of myself because I was crying. Bernadette told me she was sorry for intruding on me but I still feel like the least I could have done was cry off someplace private. I wonder if it was Bernadette that brought Tamber and Jerrik. They brought me back to my room and made me go to bed. I felt like I was a kid. I still was being awful lunkheaded next day. I went back out to my claim and started trying to cut some dodecs. Lady knows I don't really need the money - what's a body really going to do with all that money anyhow? - but I knew I could at least calm down a little out there, maybe. But I was being lunkheaded. Cut me five notes on the scale and all of a sudden I've dropped my cutter and fell over hurting real bad cause like a real lunkhead, I cut off two of my fingers. I grabbed the one carton when I could bear to stand, and made it back to the Guildhall okay, and that's when everybody else started being lunkheaded too. I knew that Tyron was a nocount. Ruth come down in the Hangar and started fixing up my hand for me, Tamber was there too and yelling at me like he was my pa or something. But Tyron, soon as he found out Ruth was Michael's sister, he started laying into her and saying all kinds of nasty things. Michael and Elissa came along too, and then Sean. But then Tyron started getting real nasty and he pulled out some kind of weapon, and he and Michael started fighting. Tamber was making me get out of the way cause I was hurt, but when I saw Elissa scream I couldn't stand to leave her. She ran down and tried to help Michael. Michael got clobbered by Tyron, pretty hard. Tamber called the Guild cops though and they came and hauled Tyron off. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY16.2 Written: Thu Jun 23 02:31:08 1994 Sean tried to make everybody settle down by saying he was going to bust open one of Diamond's cartons, but all that got him was Elissa socking him one in the jaw. Sean don't seem to understand what it's like to actually go out and cut that crystal, otherwise I don't think he'd ever have done that. Or maybe he does, I don't know. He came and tried to tell me he was sorry, but that mixed me up since it wasn't my crystal he said he was going to bust. Anyway. Later on that night I guess I was still feeling kind of mournful. I was up in the gym and all of a sudden I heard Tamber singing outside and somebody playing the gitar. Turned out it was Berni. She and Tamber went and borrowed my gitar and wanted to sing to me to make me feel better. It was right sweet of them. And I guess it helped, at least a little. It's helping me to write all this even if it does make my hand hurt to try to type. Today's been real quiet. I went and had my hand looked at by the medics. Miss Morgan's real nice and she gave me this stuff to put on my fingers to stop them from itching. I can't hardly stand to look at my hand unbandaged, though, cause my fingers really are growing back and I feel real weird not seeing whole fingers there. Miss Morgan also asked me if I wanted to talk about anything when I told her I wasn't paying attention cutting, but I didn't want to burden her with everything in my head. Miss Graidan found me later and she asked me if I would teach Bernadette how to fly the simulators since she heard I got hurt and Bernadette couldn't make the real class. I said sure and went on down there and Berni picked up real nice and quick on the sled stuff. I didn't see Elissa at all today. It hurts to think about that. I'm not sure what to do yet. But my hand hurts and I better go to bed. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY17 Written: Sun Jun 26 02:09:52 1994 Elissa loves Michael. I guess I knew this. But I heard her say so to him in the Hangar. I went down there because I felt like I needed something to do what with my hand being hurt and all. Corbin thought I was real silly asking to do work but he let me start tinkering on _Teesa_. And Elissa came in off the Ranges. And tried to talk to me. And then Michael came in, and then she's telling him she loves him, and, well, I guess that's that. Michael is a good man... he will do right by her. Reef Hannet, he's a cutter tech, he fixed up my cutter for me so I could cut with my short fingers. I went back out to the Ranges to check out my claim again because we had a storm coming in. Finished cutting the scale and flew in just as the storm was starting to whip up real fierce. Saw Kyrae there too. And she got awful mad at me when she saw me bringing in blacks. I'm worried about that. Here she was right nice to me when she shepherded me, and now it was like she didn't know who I was. Am I going to get like that later on? Berni was working the floor during the storm. She caught up with me when I headed off to rest and said she was glad I made it in okay. That helped me feel a little better, at least, since she was friendlylike, even though she looked awful tired and fretted. She said she still wanted to be a Singer even after seeing me all messed up. But I told her to go on ahead and go to bed since she was all tuckered out. I went out again the day after the storm. My claim wasn't too busted up, I got some good rectangles out of it and only busted a shard or two before I got good cuts. But Ballybran's wildlike and another storm whipped up when I was on my way in. This time Elissa flew in too and I saw her and Michael on the Sorting floor. I let her go first cause the sorting floor was real busy. Tamber sorted my cut for me but I guess I don't even remember how much I got for it because I wasn't looking at the readout. I wound up in the lounge upstairs later. I guess I wanted to go up there since a lot of the Singers are acting like they're riled at me. Amber was in there... Amber Malley out of my class. I hadn't seen her since I got through the sickness, and she's a medic now. We talked for a while, and she played her harp. She plays a right pretty harp, all nice and sparkly sounding. Bernadette found me in there later, though. And she was all fretted again over being tested on sled flying. I tried to make her feel better but I think I messed it up. I tried to tell her about how flying a sled is like dancing, that kind of popped into my head when I saw her so anxious and all, but then Amber and Reef both showed up, and Berni got all fretted again when Amber talked about her husband and little girl that passed on. Berni took off and I went looking for her, but then I just sort of ran into Talia. And I never can say nothing right around Talia. So the next thing I knew I was back here again, and wishing I didn't know any girls. It's been quiet again the last couple of days, though. Weather's held and Tamber says he found Berni, and she did calm down, so that's good. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY18 Written: Mon Jun 27 01:40:13 1994 I'm back out in the Ranges again as I write this. There's this right pretty hill with grass and flowers on it, and it's probably the prettiest place I've ever seen on Ballybran. The moons and the stars are out, and I've looked around a bit and found a vein, and even though the market doesn't really need blue right now it still sure is a pretty sight. The medics checked me out today. I saw Ruth and she said I could keep the itch cream Miss Morgan gave me. My new fingers (ain't that the darndest thing, writing about new fingers?) feel kind of funny, real soft like baby skin, and they ain't tanned like the rest of my hand. Ruth said I should take it real easy for a while till they toughen up a bit. The frets on my gitar'll take care of that, I guess. So after that I went to get my cutter redone since my hand is okay again and I needed the grip on it put back normal. Reef Hannet done the work and he's nice and helpful. But I ran right into Michael on the way to see him, Michael had to get his cutter fixed too. Looks like Michael's healing up okay. But I guess I didn't really know what else to say to him. I guess I'm kind of glad to be all alone out here for another reason, too... the other Singers seem mad at me, I think on account of I keep finding black crystal. Maybe they wouldn't get mad if I told them this claim (since I'm taking it, ain't no other paintmarks here and it's pretty) has blue in it. But it's quiet and peaceful here and a man can be calm with the Lady's own stars shining on him. I think I'm sleeping outside tonight. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY19 Written: Tue Jun 28 02:29:22 1994 Went back to check out my black claim and found out the last storm busted it up some. So I cut out almost a scale, but then the claim ran out so I only had seven crystals to take back in. Put the crystals into storage and I ran into Berni. She was real happy because she landed the simulator in a bad weather setting. That didn't surprise me none, I knew she could do it. But she asked me what I meant about flying a sled being like dancing, so I sung her a song and danced with her a little since I couldn't really think of a good way to explain it other than that. But she said it helped. And the folks in the hangar acted like it made them happy, too. Saw Sean and he went on into the simulators. He acted like he was happy I helped Bernadette too. And I saw Kyrae but she acted like she was nervous about something. Aria sorted my cut for me and bent over backwards to get me a good price. She's a real good Sorter. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY20 Written: Wed Jun 29 00:21:24 1994 I must really be some kind of lunkhead. I crashed my sled today when I flew out real far, and was trying to find a place to land in this nice green sort of place. Threw my shoulder out when _Teesa_ got smashed up, and I think I blacked out for a while. But Jerrik and the hangar boys sent out a repair crane and brought me in okay. Reef was real mad that I didn't have my cutter stowed right but the medics and a couple of the recruits got me down to the Infirmary okay. Found out then that Berni was sick with the symbiont sickness, her class came down all at once with it. I wish Tamber or Jerrik would've called me in earlier. Maybe I wouldn't have crashed and could have seen her earlier. I hope Jerrik and Corbin won't be too mad that I crashed. Should tell them about the controls locking up on me. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY21 Written: Fri Jul 1 01:27:12 1994 Jerrik fixed up _Teesa_ right nice for me, he said that they had to put whole new circuitry panels in the landing systems because it got all fried out. I don't know what could have done that, I don't think I flew through any charges. The medics bound up my shoulder alright, and I'm a little bruised up but I'll be okay. Reef was grumpy when he gave me my cutter back. But I ran into Talia in the Infirmary because she got shepherded but came back with her leg broken, and she got all riled at me about Berni for some reason. I don't aim to make Talia mad but it just seems like it happens an awful lot. Berni was at least glad to see me when I paid a call on her in the Infirmary. Well, sort of. I heard her singing. She has a pretty voice. Later I went out looking in the Ranges for another claim, since I got nothing but blue right now and I don't want to cut that. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY22 Written: Tue Jul 12 16:37:33 1994 I've been awful lax on writing things down lately. I hope I can remember everything I need to write down in here, since a lot of stuff has happened since the last time I wrote. First off, Berni's class got through the sickness. Berni's a Singer. So're Lhovrik and Kilanjth. Sean and Dalyc are Sorters. Adriana, she's Sean girl, she's a medic. That big fellow Spolar is a sled tech, Jerrik told me. Ain't sure about anybody else. I found out Berni was a Singer when I found her and Elissa and Miz Ryalla eating together in the Singer lounge. Berni was wearing this real pretty red jumpsuit and looking around at everything just like a kid getting birthday presents. And she was real happy to see me. She's got her quarters right down the hall from mine now. Berni asked me, what was right to do, for when you become a Singer. I tried to tell her about how I wanted to kind of thank Ballybran, and she liked that. We went outside and I sang at the Ranges for her. She thought that was awful pretty and she asked me if I'd shepherd her. I didn't know what to say to that since I'm still kind of a rookie and all. But she acted like it would make her real happy if I did. I'm ashamed to say that I forgot all about it, though. I found me a new black face, and got all caught up in cutting... I got back out of the Ranges and found out Michael already shepherded Berni. Not only that, but she's been out a couple times since then and she's been finding white. But she hurt her foot. I was awful sorry about that, but she seemed like she wasn't mad. I hope not. Sean tried to sort my cut but he and Adriana said that I was resonating an awful lot, and I feel all jumpy and everything. Sean said I should get off planet, too. Don't know where I'd go, really. Oh, and Jerrik put me a brand new engine in _Teesa_. She can go twice as fast now. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY23 Written: Thu Jul 14 15:41:53 1994 We had us a jam session in the lounge on level three, me and Tamber and Jerrik. And folks started showing up to listen. Bernadette came, and a couple of new recruits, they were nice guys. One of them seems to like Tamber an awful lot. And then Michael showed up with his gitar and he started singing with me, we traded songs back and forth. I liked that. Michael sings some powerful songs. Everybody's been telling me I should get off the planet, though. Sean and Miss Aria say that my 'pattern is erratic'. Miss Aria asked if I was having problems with thrall. I guess I kind of am. I was awful caught up in that last black cut I brought in. And now the weather folks are saying Passover's coming. So Bernadette asked me, if I wanted to go off planet with her. I was awful surprised by that. But I think it would be real nice to go someplace with somebody. I'd be real lonely otherwise. I'd better tell Pa I probably won't make it all the way to Estenar, but maybe next time! -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY24 Written: Wed Jul 20 13:01:44 1994 Well, I got up real early yesterday to get ready to go out into the Ranges, because I got me a special order. I figured, if the Guild needs special black crystals, I can try and give them some. So I got my cutter and headed down to the hangar to load up _Teesa_. I saw Berni down there. She was getting ready to go out into the Ranges, too. Her foot's almost all better, and she's been cutting real nice with the whites. But I also saw Tance Vokrim and he didn't look so good. He had a busted arm and a busted leg and three fingers gone off one hand. He was awful rude to Berni, and not all that neighborly to me either. But it wouldn'tve been right for me to get riled at him since he was hurt and all. So Corbin and the hangar techs, they hauled him off down to the Infirmary. He was hollering like a stuck pig. Berni seemed fretted and that didn't surprise me none. But she cheered up a bit and we both went out into the Ranges. She came back with white and I came back with a whole bunch of black rectangles, but I couldn't get the ones to fill the special order. I met up with Shakkar when I was getting out of the _Teesa_. He was right neighborly even if he teased me about _Teesa_ being a flying deathtrap. My _Teesa_ ain't nothing of the kind, she purrs real pretty with the new engine in her! I went and recut my rectangles, anyhow. And I sung to them. Berni come in and heard me singing and that startled me, but it was okay. I was kind of glad she did. Then I took my crystals down to be sorted but Tamber was off-duty so I got Dalyc. She's a real sweet girl and shy. I hope I didn't fret her with my blacks. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY25 Written: Sat Jul 23 01:41:14 1994 I spent a whole bunch of time in the radiant tank the last few days. Been out again and got the rectangle order filled up real nice. Sean sorted that cut. I got me another order for pyramids but I ain't gone out for that one yet. But Sean and Miss Aria and Tamber all told me I was resonating something fierce, and I have been awful jumpy, so I've been tanking and playing my gitar a bit. Today though, Berni came to find me and she was awful upset. She got in some kind of fight with Elissa! She said Elissa said Berni took her claim. I ain't sure what to think about that. But Berni had a busted jaw and a big ole black eye and even cut off three fingers trying to sing her whites. So I walked her down to the Infirmary. Miss Morgan was real nice, she took Berni in and I kept Berni company while she got her jaw and everything else all fixed up. I walked Berni back to her room after that, since I didn't want her to fall over or anything. She was still fretting about a special order for whites she got. I told her if it'd make her happy, I'd cut them for her. And the weird thing is, I ain't sure what made me say that. But she looked all thoughtfullike and then - well, she give me a kiss on the cheek. I really ain't too sure what to think about that. That was a few hours ago and I still ain't sure. Kilanjth found me in the hall fretting by Berni's door. She said we ought to weld her door shut when I said I was scared Berni'd wander off when nobody was looking, but I didn't like that idea at all. But I guess she was teasing. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY26 Written: Sun Jul 31 01:18:12 1994 I got me a whole bunch of things to write about right now since a whole bunch of things have happened in the last few days. I don't ever want to forget any of them, though some of them are good and some ain't so good. First of all I got myself hurt again, the other morning. I got up and went and checked on Berni, and she was doing better, and she walked me down to the Hangar since I was about to go out and try to fill my special order again. And it was real nice, too. I told her I'd still be happy to help her cut her white. But she got in her sled and I got in mine and we went to our claims. I talked to her over the comm. That was nice, too. Then I got to my claim, and I got out my cartons and my cutter. I got me one pyramid before my cutter just sort of jerked in my hand like it was a wild pony or something, and the next thing I knew two of my fingers were gone. It was a good thing it wasn't the same two fingers I cut off before. I called Berni again and she met me back at the JPF, and got me to the Infirmary where Miss Morgan fixed me up real nice. And Berni was really sweet to me, too, she saw me back to my room when I was all foggyheaded. When I got to be un-foggyheaded again I saw that I couldn't get my cutter to work no more. It wouldn't turn on or anything. So I went looking for a cutter tech but Reef was gone on assignment. I went to the Infirmary too and got Miss Ryalla to check on my fingers for me. They were growing back real nice and fast, too. Tance Vokrim was there in the Infirmary though and he said some awful rude things. The orderlies made him go before he got too ornery and Miss Ryalla took the bandage off my hand. So then I went off to level three's lounge since I been unsettled in the Singer lounge lately, that just ain't a neighborly place no more, and I run into Kael up there. Kael used to be named Adriana. She's sweethearts with Sean and a medic, too. She was in the same class wtih Sean and Berni. And then Royce come in. He's a cutter tech so I asked him to look at my cutter. Berni came in too but he was being kinda unproper to her so I got him to look at my cutter so's he wouldn't be unproper to Berni no more. And that's when Royce found out that somebody busted my cutter. There was a wire in it that somebody sliced partway through and that snapped after I was cutting for a while. I was awful unsettled by that. I still am. So Royce told the Guildmaster what happened and in the meantime I kinda wandered back to the lounge. I found Berni in there, too, and when she found out what happened she was mighty worried. Miz Aria showed up and she got worried, too. And Royce came after me to give me my cutter back after he finished fixing it. Everybody tried to figure out who coulda done this. Berni kind of thought Tance Vokrim done it. I ain't too sure about that. Tance is awful ornery but I can't imagine him hurting anybody personallike. Then again, I guess I can't really imagine that about nobody. Anyhow, Royce come back and he started being rather unproper to Berni again. I guess I got kinda riled at Royce, cause I wound up punching him awful hard. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY27 Written: Wed Aug 10 01:14:36 1994 I ain't been too careful lately keeping up with my journal. I better not let myself get out of practice since if I did, that'd be awful bad for later. And I still got me an awful lot of stuff banging around in my head, that's just tearing at me to get put down so I don't have to feel like I'm about to blow up carrying it all around inside of me. I was writing before about how I got awful riled at Royce for being ungentlemanly to Bernadette. And I punched him. I guess I shouldn't have, and I didn't aim to leave such a big bruise on his face, but I couldn't stand to see him grabbing at Berni like that. She got awful riled too and I think she would have punched him if I didn't. Berni. I'm laying here thinking about Berni, and it's making it hard for me to write. I think I'm going to try to get some sleep and write again after the sun comes up and I cut the blues. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY28 Written: Wed Aug 10 14:46:35 1994 So I was writing last night about how I hit Royce. After I done that, he yelled at me, cause I said that I didn't know whether Berni had an attachment to anybody. And he said that it was real clear that she did, now. He said she had an attachment to me. Berni looked like she got hit by lightning when he said that. And I guess that's how I felt, too. But I guess I was still riled. It seemed like to me that Royce wasn't doing nothing but saying a lot about how he thought Berni felt, and not ever asking her nothing about it. I told him he should do that. And I left. I went to the hangar and figured I'd spend the night in the Ranges. Berni come after me, though. She grabbed hold of my shirt just as I was getting in the _Teesa_. And she said that Royce was right. She told me she loves me. And then she run off crying. I really didn't know what to think about that. I thought about Elissa... and then realized all of a sudden that I really hadn't thought about Elissa in days. I don't pretend I know what love is or anything. But I just sort of figured I'd better do something. All the guys on the hangar were yelling at me to go after her anyhow. So I did. I went and got my gitar first though. I can always say stuff better with my gitar. I looked all over for her and I finally found her outside. And I wanted to make her feel better... so, well, I sung to her. And I guess that's when I realized that I cared about her. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY29 Written: Sat Aug 27 13:07:11 1994 I guess it's kind of a good thing that I got a lot of time on my hands right now. Since this way, I can get caught up on writing stuff down for me to remember. I been kind of scatterheaded lately, but that's going away now, and I can recollect all this stuff better. I hope I can get everything in order okay, cause I don't want to remember it wrong later. I was writing before about how I sung to Berni. Well... that seemed to make her awful happy. And I guess that just made it kinda natural for us to want to be together. Specially with somebody aiming to break both our cutters. I kinda felt like, once my fingers grew back again, that I'd best be safest out in the Ranges... and anyhow, I wanted to clear out my claims before the Passover storms come. Everybody been getting real starved lately, so we know the storms'll be here real soon. I asked Berni if she'd go out to my claim, though... cause I'd feel safer with her there, and also cause deep down in me I wanted her to see it, too... cause I wanted to exlain about black crystal but I ain't never got the words for talking about it, and I figured showing her would work better. And she said yes. So we went there.... and we cut... and I know she understood cause I saw her face light up real pretty when I sung the black. With her singing with me, I got that special order I wanted, too. It made the rocks ring real holylike, almost. I ain't sure what to say about the next morning, though. I told her that night that she would be free to go back to the Hall... cause in the morning I would get needful from the crystal. And her eyes just kinda shone again, real pretty like stars, and she said she'd stay. I don't really remember much about that morning cept that when I come back to my senses, we were all tangled up together in the vein, and the sun was shining on us, and the air was full of music. We cleared out the black claim, too. And then we went to go sing her white. I remember the first claim I cut was white... and singing white with Berni recollected me of that... white sings real soft and daintylike, like a little bitty kitten walking around. But it kinda gets in under your skin anyway. Black on the other hand is like a nova going off in your head. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY30 Written: Thu Oct 27 03:55:56 1994 Looks like I been scatterheaded again lately. In more ways than one, even. I haven't touched my datapad since we got back from Markianali, Berni and me, least not to write no journal entries, just to keep track of my claims. Not like I've had much in the way of claims to keep track of, though. Just some green and rose. I ain't found no black since we got back from Markianali. I keep thinking, whoever banged me on the head shook something loose in me. But Tam and Berni say I shouldn't think like that. I try not to, but it's awful hard. I spent a lot of scary time in the Infirmary after whoever it was banged me over the head. I was real fearful that I'd start forgetting things, even though the medical folks say I shouldn't have no memory problems for a long time yet since I sing black. Still, it was awful scary since sometimes I couldn't keep track of time, or what I had for breakfast, or stuff like that. It got better once Miss Morgan let Berni take me off to Markianali. I think most folks would call that place kinda rundown and seedy, but in a way, I thought it was homelike. But Berni was there and that's what's important. I just wish Berni wasn't so busy now that we're back. I ain't hardly seen anything of her since she found that blue claim she's sitting on. She's been real patient with me, since I been running all over the Ranges like a stuck pig trying to find something I feel like it's worth cutting... but I miss her. And now, well. I better write about that in the next file. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY31 Written: Thu Oct 27 04:12:23 1994 It was like, I turned around one day, and all of a sudden there was a whole new class of folks in the Guild. I hope I ain't getting more scatterheaded with the crystal. I guess it's just because I been a damned fool about not finding any black lately, I ain't hardly noticed nothing else. Anyhow, there's this new girl. Her name's Rhianna. She come and found me after I brung in some greens, and she asked me to shepherd her out into the Ranges. I guess I was kinda shy about that. Partly because I ain't had such good luck lately, and partly cause I was scared that ornery person might try to hurt somebody if they thought they was involved with me. Turned out that Rhianna has a real feisty head on her shoulders and she flew out in the Ranges without waiting for me. Also crashed her sled, and knocked a whole bunch of memories loose out of her head. She told me later that she forgot all about a beau of hers, even though he's here too. His name's Rhys. Later on, Rhianna come back and asked me again to shepherd her. I guess I got kinda ornery at her myself, and she got feisty back. But I guess I needed somebody to be feisty at me. I told her I'd shepherd her out. So I left a note for Berni and we flew _Teesa_ out to my green claim since I'd used up the rose one. Rhianna picked up on stuff pretty good, which I guess is good since I ain't that great a teacher. She didn't know about thrall, though. I was real surprised to hear that. Hope I got it in her head that she has to watch out for that. Anyhow, I guess my bad luck wasn't quite done with me. The green claim dried up after a scale or so. But Rhianna, she didn't want to give up yet, so I agreed to try to fly around and see if I could find something else. Went to check out another rose claim I saw before and left since it had storm damage on it, but somebody else done beat me to it. So we had to keep looking. We got near this big old mountain that looked just like a busted tooth, but before we could find a place to last, we up and crashed. Rhianna was flying cause I was sleepy. More about that in the next file. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY32 Written: Thu Oct 27 04:17:51 1994 Anyway, Rhianna done crashed my sled. Busted her ribs, and I got my shoulder all yanked out of place. Slapped on the emergency beacon, though, and Jerrik got us hauled in right quick. The medical folks started having a good look at us, and fixed us up pretty good. Thing is, folks were worried that somebody had fixed up _Teesa_ bad, and I guess I was fretting on that since this ain't the first time such a thing happened. Rhianna still wanted to shepherd with me, though, so I thought we better see what the sled folks had to say about her sled and mine, too. Jerrik checked out _Teesa_ real nice, but he didn't find nothing that said one way or another that somebody'd busted her. Turns out, though, that a couple other sled folks found a busted crystal in the engine on Rhianna's sled. And one of these folks said that they found Rhys (the one Rhianna said she'd been told was her beau) with his head all busted in. So we had to go see if he was okay. Looks like he is, though it reminded me something fierce of what happened to me. I sure hope all this ain't my fault. I got to do something. Ain't sure what yet, but I got to do something to fix it. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY33 Written: Thu Nov 10 20:03:07 1994 I been an awful fool lately. Got myself all banged up again on account of I fell off a cliff I was trying to climb around to see if I could find some crystal. It was a real good thing Berni was there otherwise I mighta not gotten back in. So I been trying to get my busted ribs healed up and can't go out flying again till I get the say-so from Miss Morgan and maybe Nathan, too, on account of Nathan just got himself promoted up to Chief Medic along with Kael. I guess the medical folks think they're real good. I had something else happen to me lately, too. Nathan's been trying to help me recollect what happened to me back when I got hit on the head at my claim. Nathan decided to do some hypnosis on me. That was real weird on account of I ain't never had anything like that done to me before. He made me smell some stuff that got me real sleepy, and then we talked about what happened... then he snapped me out of it, and after that I started having dreams. In the dreams, I can see the blue claim again. And I'm cutting, and it's a mighty pretty shade of blue. There's a sound, like a rock falling. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY34 Written: Tue Nov 15 02:34:11 1994 I really gotta write in my datapad more often. Or something. I guess it helps me feel like less of a featherhead if I can keep track of stuff. And it helps me get my head together in times like this when I can't sleep none. Anyway. I been writing about my dreams lately. About when I got ambushed at the blue claim. There's a sound like a rock falling, and then a shadow, and all of a sudden somebody hits me and I'm passing out. I almost see a face. But it's gone before I get a good look. I can't honestly say I know who done it. Or at least, that _I_ know who done it, since something happened that makes it sure pretty clear tht other folks know. What happened went like this. My ribs were still smarting something fierce so I went down to have the medic folks look at them. Nathan, he come out to talk to me, and while that was going on, Elissa come in and started being real cheerfullike, all fired up and telling me I ought to shepherd some folks. I kind of think she's still too fired up over that on account of some other stuff happened lately, but I'll save that for the next entry. Right now I'm awful tired. I should sleep. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY35 Written: Fri Nov 25 18:31:35 1994 Anyway, I was writing about Elissa being all fired up about me shepherding folks. I kind of think she's just been trying to be nice to me about this like everybody else... I shepherded a couple of girls out, one of them was Phaedra and we did okay, I guess, but Telandra went and cut off a part of her foot swinging the cutter wrong. I can't help but think I missed something, to have her get all hurt like that, but everybody swears up and done it wasn't my fault. I hope I helped Telandra out okay after that. She was all fretful about being in debt, she couldn't even get any new clothes, and she had this real bright pink jumpsuit that hurts to look at. I guess it was worrying about stuff like this that had me all fretful when Elissa asked me in the Infirmary if I'd shepherd out Callista and Gyles. They done went and got shepherded by other folks anyhow, so I'm off the hook on that. Anyhow, Nathan tried real hard to unrile me about that. He told me I was a real good Singer and that I shouldn't be worried. He also started checking on my busted ribs, and I talked to him a little about the dreams I was having. That in a way got Nathan all riled up again, but then another patient had to get looked at. Turns out that other patient was Michael, on account of he'd gone and banged himself up something fierce in his sled. Nathan went in to have a look at him, and come back out asking me if we could talk about me dreams with Michael. I didn't know what to think about that, but I let him do it. And it turns out that Michael told me that the person who attacked me was Yelira. I really really didn't know what to think about that. I don't hardly know Yelira, except that I think she's one of the older ornery ladies who doesn't like me very much on account of I bring in black. I don't remember whether it was her that hit me. Tamber tried to talk with me about this, Nathan, too, and it kind of looks like that we're at an impasse on account of Yelira hasn't done anything to me lately, if it was her at all before, and unless I can remember something else it'd be her word against mine. Nathan can't hypnotize me again on account of Michael telling me about this might mess it up. Not like I haven't been doing enough to mess myself up anyhow. But I'll write about that later. -----End of Note----- DataPad beeps and displays: Note : ENTRY36 Written: Fri Nov 25 18:45:50 1994 Life's gotten all nervous for me again. Part of it has been real fine, and part of it not fine, although I guess that everything's kind of clsoer to fine now. First off, I found black crystal again. Berni was with me and we were flying around in the _Teesa_. This was after my ribs got healed up and the medics told me I could go out hunting for crystal again. So we wre flying along, and all of a sudden I got this itch like I haven't had in a long time... and I landed the sled. We were at this real pretty beach on the ocean, and I kept getting that itch louder and louder. That was about all I remembered until all of a sudden, I was lying flat on my back, and my jaw was smarting something fierce, and Berni was kneeling over me awful fretful. She had to hit me on account of I went into thrall, real real hard. I haven't been in thrall like that for a real long time, either. But she went and broke her fingers on my face, too! She punches real good for a little bitty girl but I guess my head's made of rock. I guess that wouldn't have been so bad, she said she could still cut and everything, except that I don't think she really could have since she wound up busting her elbow too. And I had to fly her back and the medics did a lot of surgery on her. Miss Morgan threw me out out of the Infirmary since my resonance was making all the lights short out. Anyhow, I guess that all that wouldn't have been so bad either, except that a few days later, Berni went and decide she wanted to fly out by herself and try to scare up a white claim. I'm ashamed to say I got awful upset with her and even yelled at her and made her cry. I hope to the Lady I don't ever go out of my head like that again, because I can't bear to see Berni crying. But we talked, and everything seems to be getting better... I think that I want to take her to meet my dad back home over the Passover. -----End of Note-----