The World of Pern(tm) is copyright to Anne McCaffrey (c) l967. The Dragonriders of Pern(r) is a registered copyright. This is a log of roleplay on PernMUSH, available online by permission of Anne McCaffrey, author of the Pern novels, and recorded by A.S. Korra'ti (piper@murkworks.net), player of Mehlani of Telgar Weyr on PernMUSH. This log may be distributed freely as long as this header remains intact. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Log Date: 4/16/98 Log Cast: Jorenan, Mehlani Log Date: Things have been coming to a head in the life of young Mehlani as of late. Worried about K'star's prolonged avoidance of her ever since her Turnday, during which Kes's wingmates had left him drunk and dozing in her cot, Mehlani has been wrestling with her feelings for the young brown rider. It's led her to seek the advice of Kes's cousin Kassima... and it's also led Kes's younger brother E'rian to make a few observations of his own, though 'Lani has yet to discover this. And she also has yet to discover that her ongoing interactions with K'star are getting observed by Jorenan as well -- and that Jorenan has reached a crisis point of his own.... ---------- Your location's current time: 12:27 on day 21, month 7, Turn 22, of the Tenth Pass. It is a summer afternoon. From the living cavern, Jorenan walks here from the Inner Cavern. From the living cavern, Jorenan walks off towards the kitchen. Jorenan enters the kitchen from the living cavern. Jorenan has arrived. Her hat pushed back slightly on her head, her sleeves rolled up along her dainty arms, Mehlani is in the middle of washing dishes. Tendrils of steam-dampened hair have escaped out from under her fedora's brim, coaxed out by the moisture rising up out of the hot water. The Baker trudges in and sets down the set of hides and other packages he has, and then removes his riding gear. He gives Mehlani a thoughtful look, and then a small grin. "Hullo," he says. He starts putting away all the packages. Mehlani glances up, blinks a few times, and smiles shyly by way of a reply. Then she ducks her attention back to the platter she's scrubbing. Jorenan opens several small packages and begins the painstaking process of grinding new spices. He glances at Mehlani occasionally while he's grinding, and eventually says, "How're you today?" "I am alright... thank you," answers the lass softly, peeking over out from under her hat. Another shy smile, and then she sets the dish she'd been working on over to soak in the cleaner water in the vat beside her. The Baker finishes grinding the cinnamon and moves on to nutmeg. "D'you..." He pauses, and then changes directions suddenly. "Did E'rian like his Turnday gift?" Mehlani pauses in her efforts, and then speaks up earnestly, "I haven't given it to him yet. He's been very hard to find." "Ah." He shakes the grinder to settle the nutmeg cloves, and then Jorenan continues grinding. "Well. I hope he likes them. Did K'star like his present?" Mehlani nods gravely, as she settles in to delicately scrub spots off a mug. Jorenan waits for a further response. On realizing he's not going to get one, though, he subsides and continues his spice grinding. Companionable silence is, as advertised, companionable. "He... said that Indyth liked it a lot, too," Mehlani eventually ventures, over the soft noises she makes with her dishes and the splash of the water. The pause on the other side is just as long, but Jorenan is emptying the grinder, so perhaps that's the reason. He goes over to the sinks to wash it before starting another spice, and says, "Now there's something, being able to make a dragon happy." "I guess Indyth liked it because the dragon head on the pendant is brown," Mehlani murmurs uncertainly. Perhaps the pauses in conversation are unsettling her. The lad looks up at Mehlani thoughtfully. Which isn't all that far, since he's now standing next to her at the sinks. "Are you all right? You seen a bit , hmm. Unsettled." Mehlani peeks out from under her hat again, and answers promptly, "I'm alright..." She keeps her gaze up, her eyes readily visible beneath her hat now. Dang, don't you hate it when people's eyes lock like that? Jorenan eventually pulls his gaze away and swallows. Then he grins and says, "Well, I'm glad to hear it." Sure, that's what he wanted to say. The spice grinder has been underwater for a long, long time now. Mehlani smiles, but she also concernedly inquires, "Are _you_ alright....?" His hands jerk as if he hadn't been expecting that question. Which splashes the water, since the spice grinder is underwater, which reminds Jorenan that the spice grinder is really quite clean by now. "I'm --" his voice does one of those things that embarass men, and he clears his throat. "I'm all right, yes," he says more calmly. He picks up a cloth and starts drying the grinder. After yet another long pause, he says, "Did... err. I. How? Hmm." 'Lani's head tilts a little, her gaze a searching one. If she is aware of the possibilities behind the young Baker's apparent nervousness, she's giving no sign of it; there's only that utterly earnest gaze of hers, as she observes solemnly, "I think you did, yes..." Her blue eyes flick briefly to the water, finishing off her statement with the implication that yes, she had seen his dropping the grinder into the sink. Realizing that he's making a fool of himself, Jorenan just continues drying the spice grinder for a while. Finally, he says, "The other night. I said being your friend was more important to me than anything else." This is how it happens for him. Stumble for ten minutes, stop, and then speak as if nothing was ever wrong. "But I didn't ask how you feel about me." Mehlani freezes, eyes widening in obvious surprise. Then they blink, as the girl looks dazed for a few moments, clearly struggling for an appropriate reply. Finally, she breathes out, "Oh..." The spice grinder, finally dry enough for anyone on the planet to be happy with, gets set aside. Then Jorenan turns to look back at Mehlani. He nods, as if agreeing, and adds, "So I'm asking you." 'Lani lifts her hands out of the water, and with a swift, nervous sort of energy that seems akin to the darting of any of her fire lizards, she lightly grabs up a towel and begins to pat her fingers dry. All the while, her wide blue gaze is up on the young Baker's face; from the look of her, it's almost as if Mehlani has never seen this youth before. She pulls in a long breath, and then begins unsurely, "Well... of... all the people I have met since I've come to Telgar Weyr.... you've been... very kind to me, and this means so much...." Jorenan He's a sandy-haired young man of perhaps seventeen. He's quite tall, and has not yet filled out. He seems to have finished with shooting upwards, though, and is starting to move with the grace of someone who's getting used to his own skin. Brownish eyes round out the face, and a wry grin spends a lot of time wandering about. He's wearing clothes that fit, though they seem perpetually slightly floury. He wears a small red and white knot on his shoulder. He nods slowly, a frown crossing his face briefly. Finally, Jorenan says, "I'm glad." But there is a tinge of mild disappointment there somewhere, immediately followed by something that is probably annoyance directed at himself. He turns away and goes back to the packages of spices, silent and thoughtful again. As the Baker has turned away, 'Lani's young face falls, unseen. Something in his face, or perhaps something in his voice, stings the girl -- and there's a pained kind of wisdom creeping across normally guileless blue eyes. She lowers her attention back to her dishes, now with her lower lip tucked under her teeth, and her expression beginning to quiver slightly. The Baker is lost in his own thoughts which, if they're accurately reflect on his face, are painful. Eyes focused on whatever task it is he's doing, head down, narrowed gaze shutting out what he doesn't really want to see. His motions are the kind of careful, choreographed movements that people use when they're really paying entirely too much attention to what they're doing. Or at least, when they're pretending to. _I have to finish the dishes,_ Mehlani thinks, in sudden, crystalline claity. So she settles back to the task, returning her reddened hands to the gradually cooling water, and picking a dish at random to begin scrubbing -- a chipped plate. Unlike that one thought, however, the girl's vision grows less clear, the plate held in her grasp beginning to blur damply as she silently begins to cry. Perhaps it's a sniffle that he hears eventually, or perhaps it's the flow of liquid down a cheek that catches his eye. Whatever it is, though, Jorenan is suddenly focused on Mehlani. Hesitantly, he goes over to her. After a deep breath, he says, "I'm sorry, Mehlani. You didn't do anything wrong. I just... I started hoping it might be something more. I shouldn't have. I know you're not ready for stuff like that." Or at least, so she's implied before. Never mind that that was something like a Turn or more ago. Mehlani doesn't look up, and as Jorenan approaches her, she presses her eyes rather more tightly closed, more tears beginning to streak down her cheeks. Her mouth opens, then closes, words failing to escape her; her hands keep reflexively scrubbing at the chipped plate. His lips purse, and his face, since she's not looking, twists into a mask of self-disgust. Gentle hands, though, reach out and takes away the plate. Jorenan draws Mehlani into a hug, if she'll allow it. Very quietly, he says, "Hey now. Don't go all inside and hidden." The hug undoes her. Mehlani begins to sob in earnest, and as she buries her face against Jorenan's shoulder, her hat falls off, tumbling to the floor. No doubt drawn by the lass's distress, two of her fire lizards -- bronze Holl and blue Enri, followed a beat later by brown Vachon, all with palely yellow-whirling eyes -- emerge from *between*, flying in anxious circles around the two young people. Underneath their concerned pipings, 'Lani babbles out, "I didn't.... I didn't _know_....!" He's a good boy, Jorenan is. People tell him that regularly, or tell Ofira, anyway, in his hearing. And he's dealt with girls most of his life, so there's that in his favor. But he's completely confused by this, and the firelizards aren't helping. He gives them a quiet, "Settle down, all of you!" and to Mehlani he just asks, "Didn't know what, Mehlani? Didn't know I liked you? Or ... or what?" Enri claims a perch on 'Lani's fallen hat, but Holl and Vachon have to flutter around a little before they finally alight on the edge of the sink, and all three 'lizards keep crooning softly and anxiously at the girl in Jorenan's arms. "Th-that you... liked me," the distraught young maid whispers. "Ah." Clarity finally comes, and Jorenan takes another long breath. A hundred ideas must fly through his head, then, for there is a pause in which he gently strokes her hair, trying to be a calm presence. Even if he isn't really all that calm. Finally, he leans back a bit and tilts her chin up so that, if only she would open her eyes, she could see him. "I do like you, Mehlani. But if you like someone else, then I'll be all right. It's not very easy sometimes, but it's true that I'll be your friend first." He adds, hurriedly, "-And-, if you don't like me back!" Tamed and braided, kept from being too disarrayed by fire lizard claws, it is nevertheless perhaps unsurprising that 'Lani's hair smells faintly of 'lizard presence, along with the scent of sweetsand. Her chin can be lifted, and as soon as she feels Jorenan's fingers against her jaw, she blinks open her eyes, to consider him tearily. "I don't want to _hurt_ you," she wails hoarsely. He wipes away the streak of a tear and shakes his head. "You have to," he says, "if your heart says that you don't like me back. That's the way it is." For now, he's calm about that. Later he'll hurt over it. 'Lani's eyes brim over with even more tears, her features full of anguish. "It's... not _fair_!" she whispers raggedly, evidently seeing profound injustice in the entire situation. "You're my _friend_ and I don't _want_ to h-hurt you..." She trails off, though. Jorenan swallows. That did it; now the knowledge is there to deal with and hurt over. "But you do," he says in a strangled voice. "If your heart isn't in it, it's wrong to pretend, or to tell me differently. -That- isn't fair to me." He shakes his head. "Besides, who said life was fair?" He lets go and turns away, his own features none too stable. He shambles towards the storage caverns blindly, saying, "I have to finish putting these things away..." but there's nothing in his hands. She doesn't want to let him go, not like this -- but on the other hand, she doesn't want to make him stay, either. Mehlani blinks rapidly, several times, and as the young man makes his retreat, she manages only to mumble, "I'm so sorry... I'm sorry....!" before she lets herself turn away in her own turn to the dubious... and ineffectual... comfort of fire lizard eyes. Perhaps he hears, but he doesn't stop. He disappears into the cold comfort of an empty, and silent storage cavern. Jorenan goes home. Jorenan sits down on a spartan cot. Jorenan has left. [End log.]